Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?

When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.

I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.

I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school

Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.