The more I protest that I'm not Lemony Snicket, and that I'm Daniel Handler instead, the more it becomes clear to the audience that I am in fact Lemony Snicket, that I am in fact standing in front of them.

I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.

I stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn’t point to.

It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.

I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dull. So when I embarked into the world of picture books, my first thought was to do something about the dark.

This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.

The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.