There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one's hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.

...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.

In most cases, the best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing that can happen is that you won't get the job and will spend the rest of your life foraging for food in the wilderness and seeking shelter underneath a tree or the awning of a bowling alley that has gone out of business.

People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter—it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation.