My iPod holds 3,000 albums. I own, like, 90 albums. My iPod sits at home, sullen, frustrated, and underused, like a wife who gave up her career and the kids turned out to be shite.

I think the English are bipolar. 'We're the greatest, no we're terrible' - that's a constant English struggle. Crime is down, there's little poverty - yet it's always the worst time to have lived here.

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

Science "knows" it doesn't know everything, otherwise it would stop.

Science knows it doesn't know everything; otherwise, it'd stop. But just because science doesn't know everything doesn't mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy tale most appeals to you.

I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

On getting mugged: I carry around months and months of receipts. I need a mugger who can file my VAT returns.