I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.

Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT