He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.

Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? ~Bumper sticker~

What in the name of Zeus's testicles?

We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT.

You introduced me to Danger and Will Robinson, but you neglected to acquaint me with the other two.” “Fine,But you can’t make fun of their names. They’re very sensitive.” “I would never.” I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, “This is Beam Me Up.” Then to my right. “And this is Scotty.

Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way.

She looked at me, confused. “He hardly knew me. My parents dated and got married before we knew what happened. Let’s just say we were not brought into the loop on that decision.” “That’s weird. I wasn’t brought into the loop with my parents’ marriage either.” “Really? How old were you?” “Twelve months.” She giggled. “I can’t imagine why they didn’t ask your opinion.