Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way.

I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.

I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT

It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT