I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT

That’s the thing about things. They tend to happen.

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.

I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”

...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.