I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT

A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.” “That’s strange.” “Why?” “Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.” “That is strange.

My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.

You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.

Hello?" I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.

Genius has its limitations. Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker