I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.

Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.

An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.” “That’s strange.” “Why?” “Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.” “That is strange.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt