Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.

Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy.

He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.

It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.