At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!

I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless

Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker

Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.

How would you like your eggs?" I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?