I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.

Next time your lady leaves the room, take a dump on the floor! 'Cuz there is nothing more mysterious than a dump on the floor! And it always starts a conversation, am I right? Honey, what happened? You better hold me 'cause I'm afraid.

I have no grand scheme.

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.