I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

I'm not like a performer type.

I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.