I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.

There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.

Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin' out. He's like 'the electric chair? That's too good for these people. That's too good for them'. Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!