You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

Being on the road is kind of lonely.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.

I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.