Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.

Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

Jesse Joyce is a great writer.