I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.

Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.