To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.

Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.

For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that . . .

In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abcess.

The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.