The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.

DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories too, and has spent most of its skulking, devious little life dreaming about inheriting all your money.

I'm always writing new books so I don't dwell on the ones I've already done. I think that's a habit from being a newspaper guy because you're always writing columns and you can't reflect on the ones you've already done.

I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.