Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
She goes to Frederick's of Hollywood at the mall and purchases an explicit lingerie outfit so sheer that you could read an appliance warranty through it in an unlit closet.
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).
Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.