Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

A secret society within a secret society.

See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.

Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

The newspaper industry when I came along in the mid-70s was rich and powerful and growing and hungry for material and open to new people. None of that is true in the newspaper industry today. Print in general is pretty rugged. The good thing is that you can gain a foothold on the Internet because everybody has access to it, even things like Twitter - I mean, you can get a reputation for being funny pretty quickly on Twitter, on a blog, that kind of thing.

What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be "colonial".