I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.

Of all the wonderful things government says, that's always been just about my favorite. As opposed to if you get to keep the money. Because what you'll do is go out and bury it in your yard, anything to prevent that money from creating jobs. They never stop saying it.We will say, "This is expected to create x number of jobs." On the other hand, we never say that the money we removed from another part of the economy will kill some jobs.

Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.

People in the computer industry use the term 'user,' which to them means 'idiot.'

I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.