Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]....If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by scotch tape.