In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.

Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.

A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages.