Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

Bill Clinton, who, to his credit, has established a clear and consistent foreign policy, which is as follows: Whenever the president of the United States gets anywhere near any foreign head of state, living or dead, he gives that leader a big old hug. This has proven to be an effective way to get foreign leaders to do what we want: Many heads of state are willing to sign any random document that President Clinton thrusts in front of them, without reading it, just so he will stop embracing them.

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.

The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.)

Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not exactly Mensa members either, but they definitely make better pets than tropical fish.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.