Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.

Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.