Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.

There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

At the time, we were mad at Moammar Gadhafi, which resulted in us bombing all over Libya and killing a bunch of people, but not him. Then Ronald Reagan gets up and says we're not trying to kill him, we're just dropping bombs. You can kill all the Libyans you want, but legally you can't try to kill the leader.

The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over.

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other.... While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most settings, uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS."

No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.