Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.

RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.