Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or my daughter might read it or my son might read it, so no, I've never really written about eroticism at all.

Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.