Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.

When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates!

In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast enough to catch the Italian drivers.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.