Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.

When doctors describe pain as experiencing "discomfort," it's like saying Hiroshima experienced "urban renewal".

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.

I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes Back, Windows Does Dallas, and Windows Let's All Buy Bill Gates a House the Size of Vermont.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?