But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.