I report as a machine; I write as a person. That clear dichotomy softens the transition.

Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . . Today's government uses computers which are capable of cranking out millions of documents per day without any regard whatsoever for their content, thereby freeing government employees for more important responsibilities, such as not answering their phones.

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result of being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.

The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in it, some of whom are already out on parole.

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.