We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.

One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the "mounting" deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.

The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.