Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.

All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.

I am not one to generalize, but cartoonists, as a group, exhibit a level of social sophistication generally associated with pie fights. In high school, when the future lawyers were campaigning for class president, the future cartoonists were painstakingly altering illustrations in their history books so that Robert E. Lee appeared to be performing an illegal act with his horse.

A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).