For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

I can snap your spine like a toothpick.