Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

Some [soccer] players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game. That's how tough they are.

She goes to Frederick's of Hollywood at the mall and purchases an explicit lingerie outfit so sheer that you could read an appliance warranty through it in an unlit closet.

The average tax payer is not a big voluntary supporter of the arts. The only art that the average taxpayer buys voluntarily either has a picture of Bart Simpson on it or little suction cups on its feet so you can stick it onto a car window.

Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is basically an enormous open sewer.

Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.