Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.

Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.

The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself in a million years.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories too, and has spent most of its skulking, devious little life dreaming about inheriting all your money.