Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.

Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.

Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.

...when the armed robber of unhappiness knocks over the Keebler cookie display of our complacency, and bangs the samurai sword of negativity on the checkout counter of our dreams, we must not be afraid to hurl the fruit cocktail can of hope.