They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.

There's only one way kids will wear helmets, and that's if their parents are nagging them to. They will never wear helmets because some state passes a law requiring it.

Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.

The best way to understand this whole issue is to look at what the government does: it takes money from some people, keeps a bunch of it, and gives the rest to other people.

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.