Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?

I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s.

The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.