Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is an area where many men do not have a clue. Exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and-yes-his passion for her: an electric blanket.

A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

People - just weird people are attracted to Miami. And they come there not for serious reasons, usually.

Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch.

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.