What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself in a million years.

More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging.

I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.

Nature is located mainly in national parks, which are vast tracts of wilderness that have been set aside by the United States government so citizens will always have someplace to go where they can be attacked by bears. And we're not talking about ordinary civilian bears, either: We're talking about federal bears, which can behave however they want to because they are protected by the same union as postal clerks.