And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.

Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.

Dogs love to go for rides. A dog will happily get into any vehicle going anywhere.

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they should be smaller. But you can't really mean no public schools.