Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose master chefs have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for trying to trick people into eating snails. Nobody is sure how this got started. Probably a couple of French master chefs were standing around one day, and they found a snail, and one of them said: 'I bet that if we called this something like `escargot,' tourists would eat it.' Then they had hearty laugh, because 'escargot' is the French word for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm.'

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.

The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.