Don't emphasise money if you don't have much; be happy

The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to be tasteful here - is that sometimes it seems like maybe the president of the United States is kind of dumb. If you get what I mean. What I mean is, I am not totally confident that the president would get what I mean, unless several aides explained it to him. And even then, he might forget.

You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.

With a novel, you have the reader with you a lot longer, and you owe him a lot more. Obviously you have to have a plot - I say "obviously," although I think a lot of fiction doesn't, and nothing seems to happen. But to me, there should be something that happens, and it should be at least vaguely plausible. And because the readers are going to be with these characters for a long time, you have to get to know them and like them and want to know what happens to them.

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

maybe somebody finally shot the dog.