Don't emphasise money if you don't have much; be happy

In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair "look" that was originally popularized by coconuts.

The more boring a newspaper is, the more it is respected. The most respected newspaper in the United States is The New York Times, which has thousands of reporters constantly producing enormous front-page stories about bauxite...The [New York] Post would write about bauxite only if famous celebrites were arrested for snorting it in an exclusive Manhattan nightclub.