I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be "colonial".

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

You must prepare yourselves, young people, because Uncle Dave's generation is getting old. We are almost ready to go to the retirement home to spend the rest of our days tapping our bedpans rhythmically in time to "easy listening" rock 'n' roll. We must pass the torch on to you, and you must grasp it, ideally by the end that is not on fire.

One night in Tokyo we watched two Japanese businessmen saying good-night to each other after what had clearly been a long night of drinking, a major participant sport in Japan. These men were totally snockered, having reached the stage of inebriation wherein every air molecule that struck caused them to wobble slightly, but they still managed to behave more formally than Americans do at funerals.