Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

Dogs do not grasp the concept of house cleaning.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.

Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals, drawing really spastic diagonals, trying to scrape away the silver powder from the window so you could look inside.

A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.