Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricty goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.

Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby." So I got a hobby. I make beer.

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.