Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.

Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that can take over your computer and render it useless.

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.

Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.

He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?