I'm happy to start on one topic and end on another one entirely, as long as it's funny.

Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (And by 'they', I mean 'computers'. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)

If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.

You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.

I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.

Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster.

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.