Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in the race. I'm an extremely corrupt candidate and I stress that in case anybody in our reading audience is interested in sending me money.

The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.

I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist."