Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep talks, and shoot them with tranquilizer darts whenever they try to crawl, on hunger-weakened limbs, toward the packet of rice cakes that constitutes the entire food supply in their 37,000-square-foot mansions. For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).