Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.

The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'