You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

People in the computer industry use the term 'user,' which to them means 'idiot.'

I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the consensus of the experts seems to be: No, it will not, unless it does, in which case, yes. So I'm feeling really calm over here in London.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.